Searching & Reunions


Searching to find your biological family is not a journey to find them, it is a journey to understand you.


Reunions

Reuniting with biological family can be an exciting, scary and profoundly emotional experience.

Reaching the point of reunification is a long journey. For both biological families and adoptees they may have spent years searching, thousands of dollars and countless hours pouring over the internet and fighting with bureaucratic systems. The hundreds of hours spent wondering what it will be like the day they meet, hoping they won't be rejected and trusting that reuniting is the right choice is all met with the incredible pull to connect. For many adoptees, biological mothers and families reuniting brings a sense of closure to many years of feeling a piece of themselves has been missing.

Adoptees often face the deep fear of being rejected again or confirming the belief that they were not wanted. Biological families face the fear that the adoptee will be angry with them and not want to speak with them. Family, friends, pastors, co-workers, and neighbors will often have strong opinions about the idea of reunifying. Many, many people will have passionate views. Only the desire of the one searching matters.

Reunions can be amazingly powerful and healing events that create lasting relationships. They can also be deeply painful when the person being searched out does not want to be found. It is a risk that, for so many, is worth taking.

 


 Searching

Long before the reunion is the decision to begin searching. It might be simple search on the internet or social media or it might be a much more dedicated pursuit. Either way the first step brings great anxiety, excitement and questions.

Prior to beginning a search sit down and ask yourself some very key questions and process some fears and beliefs. Asking yourself the right questions, looking deeply at your motivations and your current life will better prepare you for the emotional roller coaster of a search and reunion.

Working with a Post-Adoption Specialist or AdoptEd. Certified Therapist to process your questions and feelings about searching will give you the professional support and guidance well-meaning family friends are not able to provide. Friends and family want to help but their deep love for you and their own personal feelings can cloud their judgment and advise.

Working with a professional who is not invested in the outcome of your search and has the education, training and expertise to help you manage the emotional journey will be an invaluable tool. It is recommended that you start working with them prior to your search and then continue all the way through until well after the reunion.


Should I search?

 

Why do I want to search?

 

What am I hoping to find?

 

What do I think she will be like?

 

What if they are not?

 

What will meeting them do for me?

 

I feel guilty about searching.

 

My spouse does not think I should do this.

 

My adoptive family will be mad or hurt.

 

What if they don't want to see me?

 

She gave me up for a reason.

 

He must hate me for relinquishing him for adoption.

 

Right now, am I strong enough for this?

 

Why hasn't she searched for me?

 

What if they don't know I exist?

 

I don't want to cause problems.

 

Will this effect my career?


 

 

 

 

Adoptees                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Genetic Separation                                                                                                                                                                                                   Searching & Reunions
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