Adoption Therapy Irvine, CA

Adoption Therapy in Irvine, CA

You’re starting to realize it—you might actually need therapy.

Maybe you’ve thought about it before, kind of casually, like “I should probably talk to someone someday.” But today, something feels different. You’re tired. Not just physically, but emotionally. Tired of holding it all in and pretending you’re fine.

You’ve always known you were adopted. It wasn’t a secret. Your parents told you early on, wrapped it in stories about how “special” and “chosen” you were. And sure, they love you and you love them. They are kind, stable, supportive in the ways they know how to be. But… there’s always been something missing. They’ve done their best. But there’s always been this space between you. A kind of quiet distance that never quite goes away—no matter how much love is there.

It shows up in moments no one else notices—when family photos are taken and you’re smiling, but there’s a small part of you wondering what your other smile might look like, the one you inherited from someone you’ve never met. When you sit at the dinner table and feel like you’re part of the family but also just outside of it, watching from the edge. That space has always been there, even when everything on the surface looks fine.

You’ve looked around at your friends, especially the ones who aren’t adopted, and you’ve noticed something. They just seem… more connected to their families. Like they belong in a way you’ve never fully felt. You’ve felt loved, yes… but not known. And maybe you’ve told yourself it’s no big deal, but deep down, it hurts. It’s lonely.

You’ve Learned to be Grateful

You watch the way they share little quirks with their parents—how they laugh the same way, tilt their head the same way, how they know the family history without having to think about it. And you wonder what it’s like to feel that kind of rootedness, that effortless knowing of where you fit. You’ve learned to be grateful for what you have, but that doesn’t erase the quiet longing for something you’ve never had.

And when people ask you those basic getting-to-know-you questions—“What do you like to do for fun?” or “What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?”—you freeze. You don’t know. You honestly don’t know. Half the time you’re answering based on what you think they want to hear, or what sounds normal. Vanilla? Cookies and cream? You don’t know what you like.

It’s not just about ice cream.

It’s this constant low hum of confusion about who you are and what you want. You feel like a mirror that only reflects what’s in front of it. When you’re alone, you disappear.

You’ve Gotten Good at Adapting

You’ve gotten good at adapting—reading the room, becoming who people need you to be in that moment. It’s a skill that’s helped you fit in, but it’s also left you wondering if anyone has ever really known you. You can slip into any role, but when you strip them all away, you’re left with questions you can’t quite answer.

Lately, the thought of searching for your birth family keeps coming up. You haven’t done it yet, but it lingers. Okay, you have actually looked once or twice, but with it comes guilt—because what if your parents think you’re ungrateful? What if it hurts them? It feels like you shouldn’t want to know. But you do.

It’s there late at night, when you’re scrolling through social media and you catch yourself studying the faces of strangers, wondering if one of them could be yours. It’s in the way your heart speeds up when you see someone with your hair color, your nose shape, your exact laugh. And just as quickly as the curiosity comes, so does the shame. You love your parents. You don’t want to hurt them. But the questions don’t go away just because you don’t say them out loud.

You wonder if someone out there shares your smile. Or your laugh. Or your way of needing to be chosen, even when you try to pretend it doesn’t matter. And at the same time, there’s fear. What if they don’t want to be found? What if it only makes things harder?

The not knowing feels safer sometimes, even though it also keeps you awake at night. You imagine best-case scenarios and worst-case scenarios, sometimes in the same breath. You tell yourself you’ll decide later, when the timing is right—but you also know you’ve been saying that for years.

You’ve carried this ache for so long, you don’t even know what life would feel like without it. It’s like you’re searching for something you can’t name—but you know it’s real, and you know you haven’t found it yet. You’re caught between two worlds and feeling like you don’t fully belong in either

You’ve become an expert at smiling through it. At showing up to family events and laughing along, even when you feel miles away inside. At keeping your questions folded neatly in the back of your mind, hidden where no one can see them. But you can feel them getting heavier, and you’re starting to realize you can’t keep carrying them alone.

You Want to Understand Yourself

Here’s what you do know: you’re tired of feeling invisible in your own story. You want to understand yourself. You want to stop feeling like a visitor in your own life. You want to feel solid—real—like you exist on purpose. You want to know who you are—the real, honest, complicated you. Whoever that turns out to be.

You want to breathe without feeling like there’s a part of you holding back. You want to walk into a room and feel like you’re fully there—not halfway present while another part of you is wondering where you truly come from. You want to stop piecing yourself together from the expectations of everyone else and start finding the pieces that are yours alone.

Therapy won’t fix everything overnight. But it is where you get to finally stop carrying all of this alone. Maybe it’s the first place where you can be fully you—even if you’re still figuring out who that is.

Maybe it’s the first time someone will sit across from you and not try to change the subject when it gets uncomfortable. The first time you won’t have to pick between loyalty to your parents and loyalty to yourself. The first time you can speak the questions out loud without worrying about how they’ll land.

And that’s more than enough reason to start.

Let’s Make Sense of Your Adoption Story—Together

Hi, I’m Karl 

I am an Adoption Specialist & Adoption Therapist providing Adoption Therapy in Irvine, CA

I help adoptees, adoptive families, and birth families who are ready to finally explore how adoption has shaped their lives. Not just the good parts, but the confusing ones too—the parts that feel tangled in love, loss, loyalty, and the quiet ache of “why don’t I feel how I’m supposed to feel?”

My clients come to me when they’re tired of holding it all in or trying to make sense of it alone. In our work together, they begin to feel more whole. They begin to breathe a little easier. Through laughter, tears, and lots of “oh wow, that makes sense now” moments, we gently put the pieces back together.

I’ve been doing this work for over 15 years, but for me, it’s not just professional—it’s deeply personal. I’m an adoptee. I’m a sibling to an adoptee. I’ve searched for and found my biological family. I’ve lived these questions, sat in that ache, and experienced the complicated beauty of reconnecting with pieces of myself I didn’t know were missing. I also hold a Master of Arts in Adoption Studies, which gives me a solid foundation to support others on their own path of discovery.

In therapy, we meet weekly to build something steady and safe. Sometimes we’ll just talk. Other times we might bring in movement, Brainspotting, art, or whatever helps you feel and process more deeply. It’s not about fixing something that’s broken—it’s about finally making sense of the things that haven’t felt quite right.

Clients often tell me they feel more like themselves again. Their relationships improve. They understand where their reactions come from. They feel seen—not just by me, but by themselves.

If any of this resonates, you don’t have to keep doing it alone. I’d be honored to walk with you”

Contact me for a free consultation for Adoption Therapy in Irvine, CA

I know it can feel like a big step to call a counselor, but I’ll make it easy. We’ll spend 15-minutes on the phone and I’ll let you know how or if I can help. If I am not the right person, I’ll do my best to get you to the right person. Contact me at (949) 922-0734 for your free 15-minute phone consultation for counseling in Irvine.

Discover how therapy grounded in lived experience can help you feel more whole, connected, and at ease.